


The Mertens: Hell on earth…more or less

by SkeletonHypetrain



Category: The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-30
Updated: 2018-12-30
Packaged: 2019-09-30 14:00:15
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 5,080
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17225360
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SkeletonHypetrain/pseuds/SkeletonHypetrain
Summary: last 2k18 story and the new 2k19 story, now the mertens will face up to something else, sequel of the extraordinary massacre





	1. Chapter 1

Prologue: the party.  
After the events of van dork, paullie was having a party for eldain´s success; she was drinking and eating some nachos.  
Paul was enjoying the party; he saw eldain with his girlfriend.  
Paul: congratulations Eldain, you became an expert Monster hunter.  
Eldain: and now I have a girlfriend, she´s aradia megido.  
Paul: nice to meet you, Aradia, my name is paul and that girl that is screeching like a velociraptor is Paullie.  
Aradia: thanks.  
Eldain: well, maybe someday i´ll met aradia´s parents.  
Paul: hope you parents accept your new boyfriend,aradia.  
Aradia: oh paul..  
Meanwhile, there was 2 martians drawing a 4-panel comic about 1 stickman, then 2 stickmans, also in the next panel there was also 2 stickmans and the 4rth and final panel was a stickman with another stickman lying down.  
The martians both laughed.


	2. Boats n´ hoes.

The mertens were now at the new edition of main street´s comic con, eldain was excited to visit the city that started and ended the darkening,they played just dance, they had some awesome moves, they played some games, eldain was doing some dances that stole fortnite, eldain used his tv-helmet and put this song:  
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ram0qgbvvV0.  
Then he was moved by the metal exo-skeleton of the tv helmet, paullie and the lad knew what the song was about, but the music was so catchy.  
After that, they returned to Antcornu, Paullie was at the deck with eldain, they were at the rooftop of a building, just like in the room.  
Paullie: so that´s what happened.  
Eldain: like that, holy shit.  
Paullie pass the football ball to eldain.  
Eldain: hehehe.  
Suddenly the building started to rustle.  
Paullie: is that an earthquake?.  
Eldain: I think that this rustle comes from the decks!.  
As the pointed the docks, a giant boat was rising up from the water, it was a squid shaped boat.  
Paullie: holy…guacamoly.  
They went down from that building to see that boat.  
Eldain: wow, the most weird thing is that.., there´s no one in there.  
Paullie went inside the boat to make sure if he was right,then she went out.  
Paullie: you know what it means?.  
Eldain: what?  
Paullie pulled out a graffiti template of a picture of three eyes and a purple spray paint can, then she painted the logo in a part of the boat, she looked at him.  
Paullie: it´s free real estate.  
Eldain: you mean.  
Paullie: wait…  
Then, paullie ran fast to search for something, then she came back with a champagne bottle.  
Paullie: here ya go.  
Eldain:so after we and the army killed them all, you mean that this boat is ours, awesome!.  
Later, a ceremony was set in the dock; the mertens were there, also eldain´s girlfriend.  
Paullie: ladies and gentlegoths, today we thankfully opening this ship that I found, I will name this as..s.s anne, nope this name was taken…,ship happens, oh I named a boat like that…,ermmm,oh I know!, the krakening, ow yeah, well eldain, do the HONORS.  
Eldain pulled out the champagne bottle.  
Eldain: thank you paullie, I always wanted to make those HONORS with PRIDE.  
Then eldain hitted the ship with the bottle, everyone cheered at the merts, after the ceremony, the duo and eldain explored the ship, eldain was so chill that he didn’t care about everything.  
Paullie: y´know eldain, I had an idea for a videoclip..  
Eldain:really..  
Paullie: yes, but first, I need you to help me move that replica of the throne from game of thrones, you know.

Paul was now in a building, he had a meeting with champion bond, paul was wearing a black turtleneck sweater and a dark gray coat.  
C.bond: well paul, we know that you and your friends had done with one of the schools in antcornu.  
Paul: you know, bond, in antcornu doesn´t like avengers sub-genre.  
C.bond: my idea is to join new members to create a new league of extraordinary gentlemen, and do not let that purple demon to see them or doing anything against the law, we know what happened to the previous one.  
Paul: paullie is not bad, she´s…weird.  
C.Bond: weird?, Last time she stole nemo´s automobile and broke it, then she made a robot thing by using the parts of the car for her friend.  
Paul: well, she made that for his friend, in case he encounters with someone…  
C.bond: so, do you have any ideas before we start the business.  
Paul smiled.  
Paul: I think..  
Suddenly Paullie and eldain appeared with some microphones.  
Paullie:hello there.  
Champion bond: not you again, you have made too much damage in this…  
Eldain: the damage is now done.  
Paullie: let’s go, for those if you don’t know me, well almost everyone knows me, we are Paullie and eldain van dork., we gathered you tonight for this after that day.., we have a special surprise for you bondy,well,check!  
Eldain: check!.  
C.bond: please no.  
Jack: will you shut them off.  
Paul: no.  
Paullie: we have to present you..  
Eldain: here ya go!.  
Eldain turned on the laptop.  
Eldain:worldwive prestige  
Paul tried to not laugh  
Paullie: worldwide prestige, the first word of entertainment.  
Eldain: first word.  
Paullie: management.  
Eldain: financial portfolios, insurances.  
Eldain:coupiers, black leather gloves.  
Paullie:research and development, we study the science of what you need.  
Eldain: last week,we put a paperclip on a bee..And it died.  
Paullie: security.  
Eldain:yes,security  
Paullie: and investors?, possibly you!  
Paul: I just cant,ppfffffff.  
Paullie: and know we present worldwide prestige 1st music video,roll it.  
The video started with Paullie and eldain at the nautilus.  
Paullie: this is goin to be awesome!  
[Intro]  
Boats and hoes, boats and hoes  
I gotta have me my boats and hoes

[Hook]  
Boats and hoes, boats and hoes  
I gotta have me my boats and hoes  
Boats and hoes, boats and hoes  
I gotta have me my boats and hoes  
(C.bond: is that nemo´s boat  
Paullie: who´s that?.)  
[Verse 1:Paullie and Eldain]  
The Nina, Oh! The Pinta, Oh! The Santa Maria Oh!  
I'll do you in the bottom while you're drinking Sangria  
Nachos and Lemonheads on my dad's boat  
You won't go down 'cause my dick can float  
We sail around the world and go port to port  
Every time I cum I produce a quart  
Put on your life vest, let's drop anchor  
There's a nice lady whore, I'd like to spank her  
(Lina: this is offensive, Paullie,eldain  
Paul burst into laughs, then the music video  
Showed eldain dancing the ``orange justice´´ dance and another scene of paullie at the top of the nautilus, sitting in her replica of the game of thrones throne, wearing a burger king crown, pixel sunglasses, ring pops and holding a bottle of jagger meister)  
[Verse 2:Paullie and eldain]  
Deadliest catch, without the crabs  
We're almost out of gas, call the A-rabs  
I'm a pussy pirate, my name is Jack Sparrow  
Take off my pants so you can see my flesh arrow  
Make sure to wax, use your mom's Nair  
You'll be amazed when I cum in your hair  
Pull up the anchor 'cause we're leaving dry land  
Get below deck with a dick in your hand  
Anchors away and shiver me timbers  
We like to fuck ladies with our 8-inch limbers  
Love me hookers who be a-curvy  
Ain't no lemons and limes, so contracted the scurvy  
Drop the anchor, give that ho a shout  
'Cause I'm using my compass to find a nappy dugout

[Hook]  
Boats and hoes, boats and hoes  
I gotta have me my boats and hoes  
Boats and hoes, boats and hoes  
I gotta have me my boats and hoes

[Outro:Paullie]  
That's my man, Paul mertens, y'all  
Give it up  
After the music video, Paul was still laughing, everyone looked at him disappointed.  
Paullie: wait,there´s more!  
Then paullie put a video of the fight milk commercial made by the mertens.  
Paul wheezed.  
Paullie: I posted both videos on youtube.  
Later, paullie was at the shore with paul.  
Paul: what a day, isn’t it.  
Paullie:yeah, and do you what the best part of having a boat.  
She pulled out a bag of cocaine.  
Paul: oh god.  
Then a party hard was set inside the boat with drugs and alcohol.


	3. Extraordinary douchebags

Paullie was sleeping on a park bench while holding a bottle of jaggermeister after that party she had on her boat.  
Paul: Paullie!,Paullie wake up!  
Paullie:what?  
Paul: my grandpa called me hours ago; we need to go to London.  
Paullie: for what?  
Paul: well.., we can use the portals that you made.  
Paullie: yes, its paullie-made.  
Then paullie stood up, she made a portal and when away.  
The mertens arrived to London, they saw eldain.  
Paul: *sigh*I remember my school days with my grandfather.  
Eldain: and we met.  
Paul: eldain, I have met you since we were babbus.  
Eldain: ah, I didn’t remember that.  
Paullie: what we are goin now?  
Paul: to the british museum.  
Paullie: bullshit…  
Paul:we have to go.  
The squad went to that museum, they saw paul´s grandpa.  
Sir Paul: hello, paul, paullie and eldain.  
Paul: hi grandpa.  
Sir paul: thanks you arrived, let’s go.  
As they entered, they saw that the museum was filled with monster stuff and they saw champion bond.  
C.bond: oh hello,sir paul, and they…  
Sir paul: didya like the meeting?.  
C.bond: you and your monsterhunter school was always a rival of the league.  
Sir paul: just like that 16-bit war of the youngies.  
Paullie: wait a sec pal, so this is the league´s hq.  
C.bond: yes.  
Paullie looked sadly at bond.  
Paul: don’t you remember what they have done to her in this place?!.  
C.bond: yes, I know, we wanted her to join the league, but this rascal was a nightmare, and thanks to that crow-man, he leaked every single entry.   
Paullie sighed and snapped her fingers and instantly her good people and goth army appeared.  
C.bond: what the.  
Sir paul laughed.  
Paullie: its free real state,dumbass.

Now part of the headquarters is now property of paullie.  
Sir paul: well, I gotta go, see ya.  
Hours later, Eldain watched how paullie was saying to the good people about putting another GoT throne at the museum, also he saw a skeleton without a jaw and only an eye, wearing an armor was walking through the museum, then he saw a giant portrait.  
Eldain: hey, I didn’t know that the league had a gorilla.  
Champion bond: eldain, that´s a member of the league.  
Paullie: eldain´s right, the league had a gorilla  
The chill lad stare at the man with those stoned eyes  
Champion bond:miss paullie, let me show-  
Paullie went to the stairs as fast as she can.  
C.bond: well,she knows where the rooms are.  
Eldain: is because she read the visual novels.  
C.bond: graphic novels, it´s graphic novels.  
Paul and eldain were walking through the halls, he saw that paullie was staring at a door.  
Paul: Paullie, are you ok?  
Paullie: is he here?  
Paul: who?  
Paullie: that monkey man.  
Paul:Paullie, you know that you beat him by using 499.  
Paullie: oh,ok, here ya go..Some-  
Then Paullie opened the door violently.  
Paullie:BODY ONCE TOLD ME.  
In that room there was nothing, but she remembered that room..  
Paullie: I remember this place, something bad happened here.  
Paul: did you read volume 2 of that novel.  
Paullie nodded.  
Paul: and that grousome fanfiction based on that scene that took place in this room where that gorilla raped the invisible man.  
Paullie:yes.  
Eldain appeared.  
Eldain: hi guys..hey are you in that room from volume 2 and that grousome fanfiction based on that scene where the gorillaman fucked the invisible man?  
Paul: yes.  
Eldain: how he can fuck the invisibleman,nevermind, I really like to have this room  
Paullie: yeah.  
Paul: how you can accept that?  
Eldain: you know me very well, paul, but I have to do some modifications to this place, can I bring my own marihuana plants?.  
Paullie: of course.  
Eldain: maybe we can make a mini movie, just like the old times  
Paullie: ow yeah.

After the modifications, paullie went to eldain´s room.  
Paullie: hey Eldain,how´s-sweet mother of the unholyness.  
In the room was filled with marihuana plants, posters about monster movies, a van helsing shrine with all the merchandishing, a fridge, a tv, etc.  
Paullie: yo, you made a replica of your room.  
Eldain was smoking a blunt.  
Eldain: yes, of course!.  
Paullie: wassup G´ork!.  
G´ork:..  
Paullie: hello cassy!  
Cassy: hi.  
Paullie notice that eldain was wearing a skull mask and big black coat.  
Paullie: nice costume eldain!  
Eldain: you didn’t notice that,ha!  
Paullie spent the afternoon with eldain.  
During the night Eldain was with aradia in their room.  
Eldain: sweetheart, did you like everything?  
Aradia: it’s ok, you have a boat a part of the league, this is great!.  
Eldain: paullie owns the boat and the part of museum,aradia, I will wake up at midnight/dawn, cause im going to bring some breakfast from mcdonalds.  
Aradia: don’t worry about that,ok?  
Eldain: okey pokey.  
It was now 4 am, eldain woke up, he put his clothes that consisted his flannel jacket(winter version), a black-grey t-shirt, blue jeans and sneakers.  
As he went down through the halls of the museum, he saw three statues of him.  
1: a statue of a young eldain,wearing an ancient greek outfit,smiling, eldain was the model of that statue, he was 14yrs old, the statue looked like the statue of David made by Andrea di Verrocchio  
2: the second one was about Eldain getting kidnapped by hyde during his nocturnalis, eldain´s face shocked everyone, it looked like the kidnapping of persefone made by Bernini.  
3\. The 3rd one was about eldain wearing his armor, it looked beautiful.  
He looked at some artifacts,he looked again to the statues, the 1st one was shattered, the 2nd one had eldain´s head and arms gone, the 3rd one had painted the word on his eyes: Prideless.  
Eldain: he will never know that those three are replicas.  
Then he went away, but he heard a familiar voice.  
???: Are you still on that pathetic little quest, the one you think will fix everything?.  
Eldain took a deep breath a looked back, he saw his BIG problem in the shadows, the only light was the man´s cigar.  
Eldain: You have a lot of nerve being alive.  
Hyde: hell can give you chances.  
The big man went towards the small lad.  
Hyde: Pride is a sin.  
Eldain: how about you, you have committed countless sins.  
Hyde: wouldn´t like to meet the demons of your mind?  
Eldain: my mind is demon-less.  
Hyde: you´re nothing but an empty puppet of this monster huntering, a marionette on a string.  
Eldain: I was your marionette controlled by your strings.  
Hyde: I controlled you, I stalked you, I made your life impossible, and you are my bitch.  
Eldain: not today.  
Hyde: why.  
Eldain: I have a girlfriend now, doodles!.  
Eldain walked slowly ignoring the big man  
Hyde: Eldain,wait!.

As the chill lad went out, he went to mcdonalds, he thought that his conversation was an illusion.

Mcdonalds clerk: hello my friendly chap, welcome to mcdonalds can I have your order.  
Eldain: can I get uuuuuhhh, a burger mcmuffin, 12 cheeseburgrrs, and some hashbrowns,and pamcaeks, and some dinks like coke and…..  
Eldain´s brain went 404 error.  
*later*  
Eldain: and some chicken nuggets with the szhecuan sauce.  
Mcclerk: oh sorry chap, you can only order breakfast at this hour.  
Eldain pulled out a monsterhunter gun and pointed at the clerk.  
Eldain: now.  
Mcclerk: ok.  
As the blonde elf went out carrying the bag of the mcdonalds.  
Eldain looked at the sky.  
Eldain: well, we gotta go.  
Then eldain arrived at the museum, his friends were happy to see him.  
Next day eldain was at the museum, she saw that paullie was at the interrogation room, but he was alone.  
Eldain entered to the room.  
Eldain:Paullie, are you alright?.  
Eldain placed his hand on Paullie´s back, Paullie dropped, her faced was mawled like if a gorilla just destroyed her beautiful face.  
Paullie: I can see him from here.  
Paullie woke up, it was nightmare, she was with paul at the museum.  
Paul: nightmare?  
Paullie:yeah  
Then bond appeared.  
C.bond: oh my god, the martians are attacking England!,and a hell has arrived!.  
Paul and llie were uninterested in that.  
Paullie: aaaannd?  
Paul: just leave them alone, they have to know your terrestrial hour.


	4. sweet memes are made from this.

sweet memes are made from this.  
Another day at the boat, Paullie was carrying a camera for recording another mini movie with eldain, she saw her boyfriend.  
Paullie: where´s my sweet demonhead!  
Ra´s: greetings strange.  
Paullie: what?, I have a boat now!.  
Ra´s: we have a lot of boats, why do you want that?  
Paullie: this is huge, and has a squid shape, and I made some modifications.  
Ra´s: and this camera?  
Paullie: im making a movie with eldain.  
Ra´s facepalmed.  
Ra´s: I have to go, the detective needs me.  
Paullie: ya mean batman.  
Ra´s: see you later.  
As ra´s was leaving, eldain entered to the room to see paullie.  
Eldain: hey, you got the camera.  
Paullie: yeah!.  
Eldain: let’s go!.  
The duo went to one of the boat´s rooms, the lad was now placing the camera, they were standing at some whiteboard, eldain was wearing his dark grey shirt with the van helsing logo and paullie a pokemon-related hat and a some jacket  
Eldain: so, you know that my BIG problem is from the van helsing monsterverse: the main one, but this league from their monsterverse arrived here, it means that this universe joined with our monsterverse, so it means..oh god, the answer for this is 42.  
Paullie: I have a question:you told me about that book, so what if you put the seamonkey thing into that guy´s drink.  
Eldain and paullie stood at each other, then they screamed.  
Paullie: nooo, why I must play god?!  
Eldain: why…, hey,did you see that?  
Paullie:what?  
Eldain pointed at the window.  
Paullie: oh my, are those the martians?  
Eldain: yes?  
Paullie: let’s go outside.  
The duo went outside, they saw giant tripods.  
Paullie: what are those!  
Eldain: those are tripods.  
Paullie: the martains.  
Both stared at one martian.  
Paullie: hi.  
Martian: Hewwo.  
Paullie:hi little guy, im paullie.  
Martian: hooman, I bought some cocoa moo juice.  
Eldain: ok.  
Martian: we like moo juice.  
Paullie: you are here because..  
Martian: we stay…more or less, we courtains have unlseahed something underground with blue…  
Paullie:what.., ah,that thing that the news paper said.  
Eldain: about what?  
Paullie: the martians are coming.  
Paullie passed the newspaper to eldain.  
Eldain: wow.  
Paullie:thanks fellow martian.  
Martian: goobye..hey hooman The martian went to speak with paullie, like if he was telling a secret,then paullie made a pinky promise at the martian and went towards eldain. Eldain:so? Paullie: he said something about Hawley griffin. Eldain: the invisible fella..oh I know, I read volume 2. Paullie: I told to the martian that I would do griffin´s work, so, i´ll do it for him. Eldain: ok. Paullie: nah I don’t care if they are going to invade, im not the league.   
Later, paullie´s phone started to rang.  
Paullie:hewwo, yes, really?,ok,sweet!.  
Eldain:what happened.  
Paullie: paul will be occupied due to some villain business, so we are alone.  
Eldain: hey, we are gonna spend all day, im gonna call g´ork.  
After that, they were spending the afternoon at the british museum, paullie took some photos of eldain with g´ork and aradia.  
Eldain posted a video of him playing super smash bros melee with his friends and paullie posted some photos of eldain making the ‘’I know I had to do it to em´´pose or the orange justice dance.  
Many followers said: eldain´s virginity levels are goin´high!, a good century of extraordinary gentlemen gets ruined by a pile of idiots.  
Later, at the dusk, eldain was outside with paullie, they were recording some part of their film.  
There was a table with vial that looked like a big upside down light bulb filled with a red liquid.  
Paullie: soooooo, this thing is the reason of your BIG problem.  
Eldain: yes…, I´ve read the novella.  
Paullie pulled out some pouches from the sea monkeys: the first one was the water thing and the second the sea monkey egg.  
Eldain: Paullie, you what are you doing.  
Paullie: im doing this, to make sure if my theory is okay.  
Eldain: are you doing for whom?  
Paullie: for the lulz, you know me a lot.  
Paullie went towards to that table, she opened the pouches and poured them into the vial.  
Paullie: now what.  
The vial started to shake and move violently.  
Paullie:what would happen next?.  
Paullie looked at the result, it was a mix between that big man and a sea monkey, but deformed.  
ManSeamonkey: kill me.  
Eldain and paullie both screamed.  
Paullie: OH MY GOD, HE LOOKS LIKE IF A SEAMONKEY TOOK A LOT OF STEROIDS.  
Eldain ran away and puke.  
Paullie: it was an attempt.  
Manseamonkey looked a paullie.  
Manseamonkey: end my suffering.  
Paullie: ok.  
Then paullie pulled out a gun and shot the being´s head, the creature fell dead and it disappeared just like how the monsters are defeated in a final fantasy game.  
Paullie: everything is clear eldain.  
Eldain went towards paullie.  
Eldain: why we must play god?  
Paullie: I think my theory is fucking correct.  
Later during the dusk, Eldain was sitting at the top of the boat, drinking a beer.  
He was witnessing paullie t-posing  
Eldain: hmmm,paullie  
Paullie:yeah.  
Paullie: can I borrow to you my all-night mask?.  
Eldain: yes!, but why?.  
Paullie: I have a bad feeling about that library room or whatever is called.  
Eldain: ok, you told me about that the all-night mask was a torture device for insomnia.  
Eldain: wow.

Meanwhile, Aradia was doing some archeological works in one of the alternian districts.  
But suddenly she noticed that something went wrong.


	5. I tried so hard And got so far But in the end It doesn't even matter

Paul and eldain were at the boat, but suddenly the phone started to ring, eldy saw her girlfriend.  
Paul: aradia?  
Eldain:hi, are you okay.  
Aradia: I don’t know that is happening but this is awful.  
Then champion bond appeared  
C.bond: the Martians are attacking London!.  
Paul: but what hour?  
C.bond: at 5 p.m.  
Paul:ok.  
c.bond ran away.  
Later, the invasion started, the sky were blood red, the tripods were attacking people, not the buildings.  
Paullie was recording everything with the camera, just like in cloverfield, but without the dizziness, then she went to eldain´s room to witness the apocalypse.  
Meanwhile during that apocalypse, people heard the sound of nightcore/trance.  
They saw the eldainmobile going through the ludicrous speed.  
The car stopped, and it appeared eldain.  
Eldain: wassup!.  
Some people were glad that eldain was there.  
But he saw someone familiar.  
Eldain: Dracula  
Dracula stared at him, and he says in his known accent.  
Dracula:eldain.  
Eldain: wassup my man  
Dracula: eldain van dork.  
They both hugged and laughed, then they saw someone.  
Eldain: hey…arent´ya paullie´s ex?  
Padraic: yes…, who the hell are you?.  
Eldain: im eldain van dork, a monster hunter, and paullie´s friend, you are the one who started the darkening!.  
Padraic:yes…  
Eldain: gee, you look like the fusion between cardinal copia, the cryptkeeper from tales from the crypt and joseph Curwen from the haunted palace.  
Padraic: I look like if I came from the trash.  
Eldain: doodles!.  
Eldain saw that paullie was in on the top of the tripods, sitting on her GoT throne, then she went inside  
While paullie was witnessing the apocalypse while drinking some chocolate milk,she saw that eldain was at the top on one the tripods.  
Paullie: yo eldain.  
Eldain: hello!, im so glad.  
Paullie: at the martians side, isn´t it?  
Eldain: of course!  
Both laughed, eldain say this line from a song that appeared in his second nocturnalis.  
Eldain: I've waited here for the longest time.  
Paullie: hey,look, is…that..The monkey man?!  
Eldain: what are you say-oh my god.  
Paullie: HEY YOU APEHEAD!, YOU ARE SUPPOSED TO BE DEAD!  
Then snapped her fingers and the tripod fire a ray at the ape man.  
Paullie: just like in the world of light.  
But eldain´s tripod started to rustle inside, something went wrong, he saw that a big ape man with a burnt skin due to the tripod´s fire ray was opening the tripod, the man was destroying eldain´s tripod, and grabbed eldain.  
Eldain screamed like a girl.  
Paullie: eldain no!  
Eldain:not again!  
The burnt big man was destroying other tripods while grabbing eldain.  
Paullie: ohshitohshitohshitohshitohshit.  
Then the burnt ape man saw her through the tripod´s screen, paullie screamed and cried.  
Meanwhile, Paul was at a cafeteria with a girl.  
Paul(thinking): don’t panic, remember what leisure suit larry said..dont panic.  
Paul: so…you´re name is fall.  
Fall:yes, you want something that you desire?  
Paul: yes, a new pile of books!  
Fall: what?,here have this  
Paul: oh card, wait, this is written is daemonic, hey, you are a succubus?  
Fall:yes.  
Paul: good for you…you want a coffee or something.  
Fall: you´re weird.  
Paul: yeah…  
But suddenly paul saw that a beast was carrying eldain.  
Paul: well, it’s been a pleasure to be with you.  
Fall: you know what this date was a mistake, I gonna date other guys, I don’t like you.  
Paul:ok.  
As paul went out, he ran while holding his two guns.  
Paul: hey, you shithead, say hello to my two friends: avada and kedabruh.  
The big man growled at paul, but paul shot him, it´s not very effective.  
Burnt!hyde: you fool, you think that those guns could defeat me?  
Paul: well,shit.  
Aradia was at the dock, she saw that the big man was carrying eldain, like the creature from the black lagoon carrying a woman in those promotional posters.  
Aradia: Let him go!  
The big man didn’t listen to her, he just stared at eldain, who was blacked out.  
???:..  
Aradia:let him go,now!.  
Burnt!hyde: no, you don’t.  
But a pile of tripods were behind him preparing the lasers.  
Burnt!hyde: are they behind me?  
Aradia:yes.  
Paullie appeared at the top of the tripods, she had messy hair and tears in her eyes.  
Paullie: EVERY SINGLE MISSILE HIT THE TARGET!,AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!  
As she pointed at him,the big man dropped eldain, and KABOOM!, the martians shot at the big man, eldain survided.  
Paullie: eldain!.  
Paullie went down to the ground, and saw eldain lying down the floor, there was a big skeleton next to him.  
Paullie: record this,aradia!  
Aradia:ok!  
Paullie: eldain,wake up!  
Eldain: what happened?  
Paullie: it seems that me and the martians, we killed him.  
Eldain:who?  
Paullie: that big man.  
Eldain stood up.  
Eldain: but,as I told you before,my BIG problem is the main one from the van helsing universe.  
Paullie: it seems that your theory is true.  
Eldain: my BIG problem is in hell!.  
Paullie: and look what I found in hell!  
Paullie pulled out a cup that said: eldain´s tears.  
Paullie: he loves you a lot.  
Eldain: in my conclusion of this,you have killed an alternative version of my BIG problem.  
Paullie: da fuq  
Suddenly, the skies went back to normal, the martians stopped killing, and they stood there.  
Paul went to see the merts.  
Paul: hey, it seems that the martians stopped.  
C.bond also appeared.  
C.bond: what in the world what have you done!, now the martians want to stay here!  
Also the martian that eldain and llie saw appeared.  
Martian: we stay here, hoomans are great.  
Paullie: they wanted to stay here, they didn’t hurt anyone.  
Martian: have this gift.  
The martian gave to her a crown made of metal with the words: martian lady.  
Paullie: look, they made us a humble gift.  
C.bond: no you don’t, now London is doomed because of your fault!.  
Paullie: eldain, what are going to do with the corpse?  
C.bond: wait, is that…  
Paullie: he´s fucking dead, but how he went back to life?, last time I saw him was at that school, proyect 499 killed him, nevermind, me and my pals will fix that.

Later the mertens were at the trash can, eldain and paullie were carrying the big bones, while paul was witnessing that.  
Paullie: *sigh* the trash can, use it everytime.  
Eld and llie threw the bones at the trash can, the trash truck appeared and picked the trash can, and then it drove away.  
Eldain: rest in spaghetti and never forgetti  
But suddenly the trash truck exploded and appeared the big skeleton in flames and let out a hellish growl, and it turned into ash.  
Paul: what the fuck just happened.  
Eldain: whatever you do, don’t touch the ashes.  
Paullie: hey, we have to record the final scene of our film.

The squad returned to Antcornu, they were at the skate park, paullie and eldain still wore their clothes for recording the film.  
Also aradia and eldain´s lil siter where there.  
Paullie: well, now what?  
Then eldain appeared with his skate board, he was drinking a caprisun.  
Eldain: party!.  
Everyone cheered at them.  
And now a song to conclude this:  
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DPlZu4mU-XM


	6. epilogue

the squad were watching eldain and llie´s minifilm.  
Paul: wow, that film was awesome.  
Eldain:of course, It s brings me nostalgia, just like the good old days.  
Paullie:yes..being in this squad is awesome!.  
Everyone laughed.  
meanwhile in hell, an old man wearing brown clothes was searching for an object.  
Jekyll: who took my cup?

The friggin end.  
All that was mentioned is from their respective owners.


End file.
